I never did this in dental school but I noticed myself doing it more and more as an associate dentist; putting myself down. It seemed like after every procedure and after every patient interaction, I would critically analyze everything that went wrong. Perhaps it was my way of wanting to get better, but it didn’t make me happy doing it. It was almost as if I was asking myself, “is that the best class II that I could do?”
This was different from dental school. In dental school, I would always get asked by my professors, “what could have gone better?” I would usually come up with a well thought out answer, and the doctors would give me nuggets of wisdom that I would then apply. What was different now, was that I was on my own. Sure I could go to my boss to ask for tips, but for fear of being viewed as incompetent, I chose not to. I instead sat in my office, brooding over what tips I could give myself.
By the second week in, I noticed I wasn’t happy. Not unhappy with my job, but down about my overall confidence. I started second guessing myself, my diagnoses, and how I was even holding my drill. Because of this, even the quality of my work was going down.
Then I heard an episode of the Dental Digest Podcast in which a dentist talked about how stressing over 1mm extensions could ruin dentists. Literally ruin dentists and drive them to do the unthinkable; suicide. Stressing out about what I could have done differently was leading myself down a dark path. I knew something had to change.
When I went into my third week of associateship, I decided to give myself some grace. I decided not to stress about the little things. Yes, I was still thinking about what went wrong, but I started framing it as, what could have gone better? In this manner, I was now giving myself suggestions rather than putting myself down.
In retrospect, these were growing pains. The discomfort people feel when they go through any type of change in their lives. Because I didn’t have my professors to analyze my work through prep-checks and final checks, I was stepping into that role and perhaps overdoing it to a fault. Simply put, I was being too hard on myself by trying to be my professors.
It’s been a couple weeks since I’ve made that change. In doing so, I’m a lot happier. I am also finding that it’s a lot easier to go to my boss for tips and ask my peers for help. Dentistry truly is a collaborative field. We can only make become successful by being kind to ourselves and relying on those that want to support you. While it is okay to analyze your work, putting yourself down should never be the answer.
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